can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
