i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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