god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
