We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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