Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
