Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
