what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
