I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
