quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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