apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
