if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
