'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
