I got chris browned last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
