He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my poor anus
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
