No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
