ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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