i would punch a child for taco bell
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
