I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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