my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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