just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
