apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
