Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
