Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
