WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
