Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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