I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
