I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
