I wanna bring you to show and tell
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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