May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
