I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
