He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
