My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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