im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
NoShamevember. You game?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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