hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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