You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
