the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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