i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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