nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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