for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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