do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
