The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
