Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
