Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
false alarm. still invincible.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
