That's intense
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
