Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
