The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize