apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
