we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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