Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
