have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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