Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
