Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
