A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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