Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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