her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
