Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
