i permit you to call me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize