I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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