VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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