i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
