I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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