Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
