Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
