You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
