did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
