If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
