i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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