I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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