I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
