You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
