So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
