Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
