Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize