He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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