i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
