I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
