Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
