took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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