Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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