and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
