What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
