wat bout pragnant strippers??
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize