UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
two words...techno handjob
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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